Lessons From Loss: What My Dad's Death Taught Me About Health and Life

You might remember April 8 of this year as the date of the eclipse. I will always remember it as the day my dad died.

I’m writing this as a memorial to him and a way to teach you what he didn’t realize he taught me, specifically about health.

I’ve been a personal trainer since I was 24.

My first weightlifting workout was ten years before that with my dad.

At that time, he was in his 50s, and it was evident that he was strong despite not lifting weights in at least a decade and letting his body go a bit. 

That spring day in 1994, he would step back into the weight room, and I would step into it for the first time.

My father passed away at the age of 80. He looked his age, and I had been worried for some time due to his poor health. So, I was somewhat prepared for the news of his passing.

But even though I thought I planned for it, no amount of preparation could have braced me for the news, delivered by the polite and empathetic police officer, that my father-turned-friend was found dead.

My dad was a teacher, and in classic Ed Janke fashion, this is where the lesson starts. My dad will give you advice, channeled through me, to teach you about what he did right and what he knows he could’ve done better. 

It’s not news that we are all going to die one day. Incidentally, this is one argument that anti-fitness people tell me to justify not taking care of themselves: “I’m going to die anyway. What’s the point?”

Fitness may or may not have anything to do with longevity. I have no way of even knowing how to test that. But my dad taught me that the bottom line is quality of life. How good is your life while you are here? 

The main culprit that is stealing our lives is stress. In “personal trainer school,” we learned that if you have stress that you have not dealt with, it will manifest in your body. After hearing the news of my dad’s death, I experienced some very intense bodily sensations, such as tightness in my arms and massive stomach aches. Pains that I have never experienced in my life. 

In the last few weeks, I have more proof than I ever wanted that exercise is a powerful stress reliever. The only way I have been able to rid myself of these physical symptoms was through an intense workout followed by an intense cry. I have done at least five of these crying workouts in the past two weeks, and I have felt 100% better every single time.

It’s so interesting that addressing the physical sensations allowed me to move past much of the emotional pain.

You may not be dealing with something as intense as a loved one’s passing, but we deal with stress every day. If you have an exercise practice, I encourage you to continue. If not, I strongly recommend starting one now. 

Another important lesson my dad taught me is don’t underestimate how important it is to be able to touch your toes. Being able to put on your socks and shoes doesn’t seem like a blessing until you lose the ability. Daily stretching will help you retain this skill.

It’s so vital that we continue to exercise, even as we get older. You don’t need to work out like you did when you were young, but you should start doing something. Movement is an inherent part of being human. Cultivate a full range of motion, a simple walking habit, and resistance training; your body will love you into your old age.

Lastly, get to know your parents if they are still around. My father passed away unexpectedly just two weeks before my scheduled visit. You never know when they will be gone for good.

But I can live without regrets, knowing our relationship had evolved from father-son to a genuine friendship. 

I am grateful to my dad for blazing a trail for me to follow. As a true teacher, I think he would be glad to know I’m trying to pass on his legacy through this article.

I’m still processing much of my grief. And even as I write this, my eyes well up with tears. I’m grateful that I have learned how we humans process intense emotions. It’s all part of the process of my body doing “its thing.” Knowing that doesn’t make it easy, but it makes it ok.

I would love to hear about the valuable life lessons you learned from your parents. Share your thoughts below to keep the conversation going.